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Confessions from a demonic child.

From the word go I’ve always been a bit different and difficult, it’s got me into a lot of trouble but it’s something I really pride myself on now. As a child I had a speech impairment that required specialist help. I rocked up and had to answer loads of questions to test what level I was at. The test commenced and I sat there in purposeful silence for the duration of it. Guess what level I’m at from that motherfucker? The specialist told my mother I was uncooperative and asked if she’d sit in and encourage me. She did. The test commenced once again and I answered every question without my mother’s encouragement  – which was highly amusing for her – I also answered every question correctly. Official diagnosis? That my speech would improve and that I was ‘a character.’ Yup, you bet.

When I was a child I was particularly difficult and misbehaved often. The stories that I’m about to share are all 100% true and are embellished in no way shape or form.  The point of this post? To show that you can be a problem child but still be okay in the end. Throughout my life there have been particular ‘targets’ and groups that have felt my terror (that word sounds ridiculous but it’s apt). These are; the cat, the neighbours, my father and society at large. I’ve always been a rebel.

I think I was so bad because I felt that everyone had turned their back on me, my school was really small and the head master demanded perfect children and I didn’t (and refused) to fit the mould, as result he made my life hell. I was bullied and had few friends. A lot of people died on me by the time I was 10 (I think that is why I’m such a health freak now). My relationship with my father was turbulent to say the least. I was an only child for a while. The only person who had my back and never gave up on me? My mother. So this post is dedicated to her. To her perseverance. To her dedication. To her protection and her early grey hairs, we can laugh about it now.  She wanted 3 children initially but after having me she quickly changed her tune!

These are not excuses for the way I behaved but the melting pot of issues provides good context and a backdrop as to what I’m about to write. I’ll start with the neighbours.

The neighbours

An Irish family moved in next door and initially I liked these guys. But when the boundary wall between the two families properties collapsed, relations deteriorated, to the point where it was threatened that our house would be bombed by the IRA – rational. The family consisted of a mother, father 3 sisters and a brother – Peter, he was a whiney kid, and he was riding around my turf thinking he was boss. I had to show him otherwise. They had a trampoline which was big deal when I was kid, a real big deal because that made you popular, cool, showed wealth, and proved you had a big garden and already they had one up on me. All I had in my garden was a dingy pond. So one day while they were playing on it and being noisy and loud I decided I’d had enough. As well as the said dingy pond we also had a pretty powerful hose pipe – I unravelled that bad boy, got into position and ordered my brother to turn it up full blast (my brother like a saint in comparison to me, was an easily influenced and corruptible one). I hosed the them good and proper. And I did it with a smile. They all ran into their house screaming and slipping. Good.

Another time I saw Peter hanging the washing out – mummy’s boy!. So I made and pile of mud and threw it over the wall, covering him and the washing, when his mother came round to complain I told her he started it. Always have your facts and story worked out prior to starting something, and try to stick as closely to the truth as possible.

Another time Peter was walking past my house – how fucking dare he – with his chummy mates, I shouted out the window at the top of my lungs, ‘Peter wears his sister’s knickers,’ he proper kicked off, started crying and ran off down the road.

They eventually moved away after a few years, then I cast my eye onto the rest of the street… No one was safe.

Anyone that walked past the house received abuse, and I don’t know why. I used to shout in a big posh English accent ‘You there – Halt!’ The person would jump in sheer shock and surprise – why did I do this?! Or another favourite would be to make noises that sounded like I was in pain or suffering from a mental disorder. Why? You tell me.

When I was really little my mother took me round to see the neighbours, the fire was roaring and she sat down to start chatting. The only problem was I’d get really bored when I was round there and boredom = bad bastard. So I picked up this snake, it’s a draft excluder, and the neighbour tells me it’s a family heirloom, by now my mother is looking at me, perspiration has broken out on her forehead and there’s a certain look of fear in her eyes. I smile. Look at the snake and I toss it into the roaring flames. My mother shrieks and dives her hands into the fire to collect it, and kills the patches of fire on it – the family heirloom was a little bit singed in places. Another time round at the same neighbours house it had just been her birthday so my mum and I took a card round. The room is full of cards but I walk up to the only one that had a fake plastic penis on it, boinging it with my finger and ask ‘muuuum whats that.’ The neighbour turned puce. Mum stopped taking me around after that. To be honest you would have thought she’d learnt after the snake incident.

Lucy the cat

This poor bitch bore the brunt of it, towards the end Lucy’s life she’d learnt it was easier to submit to my will then to attempt to resist it. I think a major point of contention that I had with Lucy was that she was pre me. She’d already carved out her territory, her empire before I existed and this simply wouldn’t do. From the first time we met we were doomed to fail. I had just been born, I was home out of the hospital, the nurse was round checking out my willy to see if it worked and that it wasn’t malformed. It wasn’t – points to me! As she was unwrapping the goods I started to urinate over my own head (I’ve tried to do this since but with no avail and with disastrous consequences involving my eyes). The wee stream carried on across the room and hit Lucy and fire, they both hissed, and so began our unsettled and troubled relationship.

I’d often subject Lucy to ‘tricks.’ I’d hang her off door frames to see how long she’d last (her upper body strength was fucking amazing, she skipped her legs days though, I could always catch her when she ran). I remember when we first moved into the house with the dingy pond – you know where this is going – it was full of duckweed and I wasn’t too sure what it was. So I grabbed Lucy and threw her in, she quickly emerged wearing a green cloak and took flight down the garden, her cloak disintegrating as she went. At this point I would like to state that Lucy lived to a ripe old age of 4 – jokes she was 16, so clearly the trials and tribulations that I put her through kept her ticking over.

My Father

For some reason I’ve always had to challenge authority in whatever form, and in regards to my Father, the ultimate figure of authority, it would be an ongoing battle. What I’m about to tell doesn’t always impact on him but it was him that had to pick up the pieces and deal with the aftermath. We lived in rented accommodation and I was chilling in the living room playing, probs with dinosaurs – couldn’t get enough of them – while my mother ironed, she finished and packed it all away and went off to do something else while I was happy playing dinosaurs. Only I wasn’t happy playing dinosaurs, I went over to the cupboard, pulled out the iron, plugged her in and ironed the carpet. It left a monumental burn mark, when the landlord came to inspect the house my father stood in that spot the entire time to ensure we received the deposit.

Another time we were all out in the garden, I was collecting worms and washing them in a bucket of water (you have to wash worms when you catch them, its rude otherwise) and watching them all swirl around. In the meantime Papa was bent over a flower bed exposing a bit of his rear, I quickly grabbed a slimy worm and popped it down there. Lad. Another time in the rented place the only keys to the front door went missing and that combined with living in Liverpool isn’t an ideal situation. My parents – frantic with worry suddenly looked at me, and noted how quiet I was stood next to the drain – yup I’d put the keys down the drain.

My aunt was a special constable in the police force and had all the gear, we all went round to hers and I loved going round because there were different dinosaurs there – fuck yeah! All went well and we left. A few days later my father got a call from my granddad and asked him to ask me where I’d put the handcuff keys. Father asked why? Turns out Aunt was into her kink and handcuffed her boyfriend to the bed and to her horror couldn’t find the key, her next and only port of call was her father. GRIM. None of us can remember how he got out of the kinky cuffs (perhaps she was fucking Houdini?), and I stand by guns and say we simply don’t know for sure if I have a role in the missing keys, but did they check the drains?

The worst of my behaviour was over once my brother was born – it simply became more covert. Needless to say I have calmed down over the years, although I do still have a rebellious and vengeful streak in me – I’m calling it an essential survival skill, so take your judgements elsewhere! This article also demonstrates why I meditate and keep on mediating – if I didn’t I would be a mad(der) bastard.

Have a good day everyone and always use a condom (this blog gives advice on so many different issues, I never envisioned it to be so far reaching). 

Skin

I’ve had problematic skin for a while now, whilst it isn’t severe enough to be called acne it is a nuisance. I’ve tried many things and they seem to be working, but it is an ongoing process. This series will set out what I’ve done and how you can do the same. The things suggested in the following post will seek to address the root of your skin problems. There are many remedies to use, from medicine to lotions that promise clear skin but they merely mask the symptoms. Find the root cause and heal it.

What not to eat

Gluten/grains – I love my carbs from pasta to rice and being tall and tight with my money they fuel me on a budget. The sad fact is that when you eat a wheat based carbohydrate it causes damage to the small intestine (take a look at my previous post on gut health). When you eat any type of carb it creates blood glucose, the body then releases insulin to tackle this, stimulating the production of insulin-like growth factor-I, this stimulates the production of sebum and we’ve all heard about this bastard. Your cells can become insulin resistant, insulin is important for many bodily processes including how you use glucose. When you become resistant to insulin your pancreas creates more insulin to get the required effect, until it can’t supply the adequate amount for the demand – that’s when your blood sugar rises – high blood sugar = inflammation – which contributes to acne and other immune problems. 

Ergo, reduce your grain intake and keep your blood sugar low, reduce your acne – in theory. You can get your carb requirements out of fruit and veg and unlike the carbs supplied by grains you also get a lot more vitamins, mineral, phytonutrients (good stuff). However, that being said, be cautious when eating fruit and sweet veg (think carrots, sweet potatoes and peppers) as these can also cause blood sugar to spike. Also while we’re here anyone who loves juicing be careful - try not juice sweet things, juicing means there is no fibre, so sugars cannot be slowly released with fibre, it's hitting your system hard and will spike your blood sugar. Also try mono juicing – just juicing one type of veg at a time. When you juice two types of veg (a carrot and an apple for example) the different pH values of the digestive enzymes means that they effectively attach each other and you’re left with a nicely coloured sugary drink.

Milk – milk contains a lot of sugar and hormones, these things are needed for baby cows to help them grow quickly, alas we are not baby cows. The sugar and hormones contained in the milk is doing us no good. Also cows are fed all kinds of rubbish to increase their yield, and yup this stuff finds its way into the milk that we pour down our throats. And we wonder why men have breasts and girls are starting puberty earlier than ever (three years of age if you can believe the Daily Mail – you can’t, so don’t). It’s estimated that even in your organic and bovine growth hormone free milk there is over 60 hormones in it.

Milk causes blood sugars to rise and helps create sebum, high blood sugar + sebum = sad and bad times.

If you’re struggling to cut it try goats milk – unhomogenised, homogenised basically means that the milk has been forced through a sieve to break down the fats to make them more digestible (hence why we don’t get a build-up of cream on top of the milk anymore L anyone remember the foil lids?). Sounds nice and cute but this is actually creating a problem, people who were previously okay to digest milk now have problems, before the fats and sugars couldn’t be digested and just passed through the system, now that they have effectively been broken down it’s getting digested and boom – making people intolerant.

The Nightshade Family – potatoes, tomatoes, tobacco, all types of peppers (excluding black pepper) and aubergine (eggplant) belong to this family, and while I’ve had limited success cutting grains and dairy, cutting this shower of bastards has led to a huge difference in my skin. I’d already worked out that tomatoes were a trigger and everything was going fine, until I turned vegetarian. I couldn’t work out what had gone wrong. Until I stumbled across an article that blacklisted these foods and I realised I’d be going hard with the aubergine. These plants contain glycoalkaloids which basically protect the plants from pests by killing them. These are concentrated in the leaves and stems of the plant but there is also smaller concentrations in the fruit/veg themselves, particularly in the skin. Glycoalkaloids are not usually a problem, however, if your digestive system is compromised, then it’s going to have troubles with these plants, the cell lining can begin to be attacked and leaky gut can ensue, they also promote inflammation.  I cannot stress enough how important your gut is for clear skin! Cut them out, and if you can’t live without them (missing tomatoes big time) slowly reintroduce them. Things that might catch you out – potato starch is in a lot of things from the sticky bit of an envelope to many readymade sauces. Also potato = vodka, sorry to blow that one out of the water as we are approaching the weekend.

Sugary Shit – Coke, Redbull, sweets, doughnuts – whatever your addiction – sort it. These contain a pile of nasty chemicals, most of which we don’t know the long-term implications for consuming them. Also can you even trust the companies who label the products? What really is in our food? Coke (and most drinks) contain aspartame – a chemical which basically excites brain cells till they burst. This is your only body, respect yourself, why are you giving your taste buds a higher preference over your liver which has to deal with all the junk you eat? Listen to your body – if you have acne it is clearly saying that there is an issue that needs to be addressed.

What to eat

More good fats – coconut oil, avocado, olives, nuts and seeds. Omega 3,6 and 9 play a huge role in our bodies, one of those roles is skin maintenance. If you are lacking in fats it will have a knock on effect on skin – particularly if you’re short on linoleic acid, which goes hand in hand with acne. You can find this in nuts and seeds (please soak before you eat them – article on this coming). If you go to the bathroom and after you’re finished ‘stuff’ floats (sorry to be vulgar) then you could have a problem utilising your fats – take chromium, a deficiency in which is common, it basically helps you metabolise and store fats effectively. Eating as clean as possible is only going to benefit your skin, try eating only organic food or as much as you can – this is going to reduce the toxic load on your body and reduce the toxins that your liver has to process.

Foods containing  Pantothenic  Acid and L-Carnitine – Pantothenic Acid (B5) also helps with fats. Studies indicate upping your dose of this can help with acne, either through supplementation or eating foods that have high levels – shiitake mushrooms, avocadoes, eggs, sunflower seeds, sweet potato (to name a few).  L-Carnitine transports the fats around the body this combined with B5 has had noted success rates ‘in reducing or eliminating acne.  An added advantage is a good cosmetic result with smaller pore size and smoother skin.  The vitamins are safe with no adverse side effects noted.’ A good brand for supplements is Viridian – the ingredients are non-GM, non-irradiated and nothing artificial.

Hopefully I've given you some new ideas and methods to help you on your way to beautiful and clear skin!

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As usual you are responsible for your own health, I am no expert in this field.

The Death of a Salesman

It’s been a pretty long week here, I’ve been searching for job and I’m looking for someone that pays well but will allow me to skip off to castings at the drop of a hat. Needless to say - it’s a tough gig. I’ve had to sell myself, talk the talk, be witty and charming and answer all those repetitive questions – ‘what interests you about this position,’ – well to be honest with you, nothing, I need money to pay my rent and eat. End of. I’m pretty tired of talking about myself at this point - I just need to hide in a hole somewhere!

So one area I’ve been looking into is legal recruitment, having chatted to a fella at a recruitment firm he puts me forward for three interviews at different legal recruitment firms in one day. The first one didn’t go too well, I was late to it but with good reason. I desperately needed a wee but when I did so someone from the fella’s recruitment firm called. Awkward, and these people had a knack for timing because this happened another two times and both in toilets while I was weeing. Smooth (I also wee a lot). So I’m weeing in this cramped little weeing room, my head is at 45 degrees so it doesn’t touch the ceiling, and I’m all elbows and knees trying to get closer to the toilet but not too close because its pretty grim. Phone rings, mid-wee, (sorry for the details but they’re necessary) I panic, it’s a long wee and the phone won’t ring for that long. So I quickly grabbed some toilet roll and put it in the toilet to muffle the sound. Genius. Feeling pleased with myself and whipped out phone and answered it, only while I bringing it up to my ear I accidently activated and hand dryer and this women is literally talking hot air. Mortified - she knows I’m in the toilet. I have 20 minutes to get to my interview and here’s my next dilemma – if I flush the toilet she’ll know that I answered my phone whilst using it, and it would be rude to leave without flushing, (British problems). So she runs through what’s going to happen, and runs through and runs through and runs through some more. In the meantime I’ve finished quietly weeing and I’m staring at it wondering what to do and then looking at my watch. This pattern continues for a bit and I’m getting more and more stressed and anxious. It dawned on me that I’d have to leave without flushing. Grim. So I quietly twist the lock and look out, there’s a queue and I’ve been spotted, I’ve got to go through with it now. I don’t make eye contact with first person, they’ll probably think I have some weird problem and that I’m not toilet trained yet. I am, I promise! It’s just a series of unfortunate events! I hit the street and I’m walking along with my swag feeling pretty bad ass in my shades and suit and whilst on my phone whilst she’s running through and running through. The conversation comes to an end and I freeze, because while I’ve been swagging, I’ve been doing it aimlessly and I don’t know where I am. Interview is 7 minutes and 10 seconds. I get onto Google Maps and pray the gods are with me and that I’ve got a signal, I haven’t, bastards. So I start to run, and I don’t do running. I look like a gazelle across the savannah. I vaguely know where I’m going. I’m ducking and diving and weaving like a motherfucker and everyone seems to walking like it’s a summer day, I got hopelessly lost and ended up being two minutes late – not bad considering. I walk into the room looking like Smeagol (my bun fell out and there’s strands stuck to my sweaty forehead) but no one’s here yet, all good. I fix myself and start to smell myself when the interviewers walk in on me with my nose to my armpit. NICE.

On another occasion I applied for an ‘events promoter’ a posh wording but it essentially means setting up a shitty stall outside of London and trying to sell crap services to people that they don’t want or need them. It was training day, and oh boy what a day. I decided to leave my coat at home, it’s been pretty hot in London the past few weeks but on this particular day it’s -16 degrees. Good one. Outside all day – good one! So I rock up and there’s this kid explaining away but not giving any firm answers to my questions, he’s giving patronising stories and metaphors and the works – if I wash cars and I get 1000 through what do I do – well you tell 999 to fuck off (I am employable honestly). I wanted to be sarcastic now because this kids got too much energy and I’m hating him. So out rolls the first task and he writes on my notepad ‘HOW TO BE A GOOD LEADER’ and then ‘HOW TO BE A GREAT SALESMAN’ down the side and says to me ‘now I want you to write a word and matches each letter in the phrase.’ Are you serious? I can’t think what this is called off the top of my head but we’ll call it bullshit. Here’s the best bit – we have two hours to this do. Alarm bells were ringing, now their fucking off the wall and I wanted to swot him with my notebook. So I do it in about 15 minutes and I’ve thrown words in like demagogue, elan, gallantry and temerity just to be a shit because this is wasting my time. He’s gives me another task which we’ve got 2 hours to do and I think nah. This is not for me, there’s a lad stood next to me who is struggling to take notes and spell at the same time. Nah. I’m pissed off and cold and spent a fair bit of money on the tube to get here.  So I walked, I thanked him for his time and I walked away.

I got through to the final round of one of the three interviews, they absolutely loved me but I HAD to have my hair cut for the next interview. This was a tough one for me, it was a cross roads. Do I cut my hair, get a really good job (40K potentially in the first year if you believe them), and get sucked in and that becomes my life? Or do I say no, keep my hair, have the flexibility to model and just work and get by, by being a waiter/barmen? I chose the latter, I stuck to my guns and if I regret a few months down the line at least I was true to myself and denied some crappy worker bee existence. I came to London to model not fit with some bullshit corporate image, I could have stayed at home if I wanted that. I feel pretty good about it to be honest - it’s a huge gamble but I’ve never played it safe, but hey, that’s just me. If there is one thing I know, it's how to survive.

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A Word on ‘Dreams’

First things first, I despise the word ‘dreams.’ Hopes and dreams are fluffy, intangible and lack substance. Have goals, ambitions and 5 year plans. Break each goal down into minor goals to enable you to execute the outcome and never give up and stop working towards it. Don’t let anyone put you off. That being said self-observation and awareness is key. We've all seen the talent show audition were a contestant has been told they’re no good (and it’s the truth) and they've stormed off screaming and ranting in a cloud of abuse. Don’t be that guy, don’t be delusional and deny reality, try, admit defeat if needed and learn from it. You've tried that avenue now try another one.

Don’t be scared to take the jump.  Just make sure you have back up plans and things in place should things fall down and crumble. I'm not overly keen on celebrity culture but I do think there are important values that can be learnt from certain individuals. Often these individuals have had nothing and have come from dire situations and prevailed nonetheless and worked their way to the top. It’s just learning how you can do the same with the cards you've been dealt. What are your talents and skills? How can you exploit these? What is it about these skills that they can be exploited?

Cultivate a ‘fuck you attitude.’ This has taken a long time for me to achieve and it’s still an ongoing process. It’s difficult for me explain but I guess it comes from an ‘inner knowing’ (sounds a bit mystical, I know) and self-belief. Many people (including some family members) have tried to hold me back and bring me down. Recognising this and stepping away from and actually having the power to step away from it is crucial. You cannot doubt yourself. Words and quotes really help me out at times two of my favourite are ‘you are never as good or as bad as people say,’ and ‘there’s only one thing worse than being talked about it, not being talked about.’ People are self-centred shits – I live on a small island and the second anyone see’s you prospering they shoot you down. It’s small minded – rise above it and think ‘fuck em.’ In 5 year’s time will they matter? Will you even remember them?

Another good quote – ‘every no takes you closer to a yes.’ I'm a firm believer that there is a positive to every situation. It’s just a matter of your perception and how you've been conditioned. Try not to view situations as black or white, good or bad, and do not get caught up in victimhood status. I recently went ice skating which was a massive deal for me. This is the kid who went to Center Parcs and tried roller blading and spent an hour crying, falling over and watching shitty 3 or 4 year olds(I hate children, and I don’t have plans to procreate) glide past me. Traumatic is the understatement of the year.  This time it would all be on ice. My legs are like match sticks (I've accepted this – an article on body image is coming), balance isn't a strong point and I hate making a show of myself. 5 minutes in I thought fuck this (this attitude on the other hand is well cultivated) and really wanted to give up but I thought no don’t, then I hit the ice – cringe. My mate tried to help me we ended up sliding and recreating something out of the Karma Sutra – double cringe. I got back up and carried on and it wasn't that bad. I learnt how to recover well pretty quickly shall we say, and after an hour I’d improved a fair bit – not Olympic standard yet though.

Accept help – no one’s is an island, this is tough one for me. I trust no one and I hate relying on other people because ultimately everyone lets you down and is in it for themselves – fair enough. I'm slowly learning to get over this. A strong support network it crucial. For me personally I think I self-sabotage or test myself. I’ll occasionally burn friends and family off and I think I do this to see how well I cope and if I can. I've realised that this isn't the wisest of strategies and that I am temperamental. This being said I think it’s important to not be a doormat for people and to allow yourself to be used and stepped on – article on self-respect is coming too.

Try, try, try, go in at a different angle, try, try, try, get back up and try again.  If someone tells you you’re no good – headbutt them. (Joke – please don’t).

Runnin round the big city, tryna look pretty.

So I threw in the towel where I live – the Isle of Man – and decided to move to London. Drastic considering I didn't have a job lined up or a place to live but hey that’s me. I was stuck in a hole, hating my life and job and thought I can do better than this. I had enough money saved and decided to jump. People said I was crazy and/or stupid. Now I think everyone should be entitled to their own opinion, but fuck them all.

It’s been tough from the word go, I got delayed by 12 hours in the airport – absolute joke. The hostel I stayed in was great – The Talbot Pub in Acton Town, would highly recommend– and landlord was a great guy. Things turned ugly when a loud family (I won’t divulge the nationality in case I isolate readers) moved into the room next to mine, on the other side of me was the kitchen. Dinner time for said family was 11.40pm – WTF? They had a daughter called Molly, who couldn't move without her mother summoning/howling for her. I felt sorry for Molly but then I realised Molly was a bitch. Every door she walked through a door she slammed it and she was a messy mother fucker in the kitchen. Their next stop was Amsterdam – I don’t think Amsterdam is ready for them.

Jobless and only a few days left in my hostel with no one responding to me on Spareroom it was looking grim. I thought what an idiot I’ll look when I rock up back home and say I couldn't hack it. I shook the thought and decided to send my pictures to a few modelling agencies. They all said I was way too tall – damn! What do I do now? Major panic ensued but one looked promising. Long story short I rocked up and have been sent to a few castings and I absolutely love it. My feet are sore, I'm tired and destroyed but I'm living the life I want to live. I've waited 6 years to do this, and it’s finally happening!

The castings can be anywhere, and I mean anywhere, how people found the castings prior to Google Maps, god only knows. They must have been master navigators! It’s hot here and really humid, I only have a small amount of clothing and that which I do have can double up for Arctic expeditions. The sun doesn't shine very often on the Isle of Man (north of north), it’s a god forsaken place, we haven’t seen the light in years. So I've packed all my worst case scenario clothes and I'm paying the price now. I left the hostel in a shirt the other day – unheard of and downright dangerous in the Isle of Man.

I expected everyone to be really nasty and bitchy, but so far (fingers crossed) I haven’t come across anything like that, so we’ll see. One of the castings was mixed and watching the girls walk is amazing. Some have just got it down to an art form, others less so. With their groins pushed forwards whilst they sway their arms behind them, it looks like a bizarre Hominidae mating ritual. And then I realise I'm next – fuuuuck. Time to look sexy and serious.

My face is sweating (northern clothing) and  all I can hear is my heart and it’s not sounding great. I suddenly remembered somewhere from a book that when a situation is getting the better of you, you disassociate from your feelings in order to regain control. I said to myself ‘this person is nervous, this person is scared, this person can’t walk in a straight line at the best of times how is this person going to do it now with everyone watching!?’ To be fair it seemed to work, I got through it okay and walked round the room with everyone eyeing me up. When things are looking grim give it a try and see what you think.

Hopefully I’ll get booked, but if not every no takes me closer to a yes.

Skin
I've had problematic skin for a while now, whilst it isn't severe enough to be called acne it is a nuisance. I've tried many things and they seem to working. This series will set out what I've done and how you can do the same. The things suggested in the following post will seek to address the root of your skin problems. There are many remedies to use, from medicine to lotions that promise clear skin but they merely mask the symptoms. Find the root cause and heal it.
1.            Get your guts together.

One of the ‘latest’ discoveries scientists are re-exploring is the gut, mind and skin connection. Basically the gut is far more important than we first realised. The microbes in the gut can your affect your mental and visual appearance. Signals sent from the microbes in the gut affect the microbes in the skin. A healthy and balanced digestive system can keep at bay various psychological issues – a big claim but take a look at this. A study found that 54% of its acne inflicted subjects had dodgy bacterial microflora. Keep your guts churning and everything is grand.

It’s important to kill off any and as much bad bacteria first before we start feeding the gut probiotics as these little fuckers can benefit from it too.  Applying these techniques and tips whilst on a fast would be a beneficial and sensible thing to do.

How to kill bad bacteria

Bacterial overgrowth can really mess with you too. A tablespoon Coconut oil (organic, virgin – there’s no such thing for extra virgin for coconuts – and cold pressed) with a few drops of oregano oil is a very powerful way to clear bad bacteria out of the GI tract. Coconut oil is antibacterial, anti-viral and full of good fats. Oregano oil has very powerful antibacterial, antiviral, and antifungal  properties – make sure it’s Origanum vulgare or Thymus capitatus otherwise it’s its pointless buying. Only use short term – 10 days max.

Garlic is great for killing gut pathogens mainly because it contains allicin which kills the pathogens, try taking with honey if this is difficult to get down. Also Pau D’Arco is very effective at killing pathogens. It comes from the inner bark of tabebuia impetiginosa which grows in South America. It must be the inner bark of Tabebuia avellanedae tree or the Tabebuia impetiginosa tree.

 Fermented red cabbage – full of L-glutamine and fermented foods are amazing for gut health and fight candida and other strains of bacteria. Recipe – red cabbage chopped VERY finely. Tablespoon of apple cider vinegar (raw and unpasteurised) poured on top. 2 tablespoons of pink Himalayan salt. 2 tablespoons of caraway seeds. Mix well. Leave for 30 minutes then massage well and squeeze out the juices. Get a clean jar and layer it with cabbage pressing it down well and tight (I used the end of a rolling pin). Leave for three days in a temperate room. Store in the top shelf of a fridge. Start eating small portions on an empty stomach and build from there.

Eat high fiber foods – fruits (low sugar ones ideally – berries), vegetables, nuts and seeds. It would be wise to soak the nuts and seeds before you eat them. This gets rid of phytic acid – inhibits the absorption of certain victims and minerals -  and generally makes digestion easier. Soak overnight in a bowl with water and salt.

Avoid
Avoid gluten, milk, soy, sugar and soda. These foods can be difficult to digest and sugar feeds candida (sugar in fruit can be harmful too and has many different names in processed foods, as a rule of thumb if anything has more than three ingredients don’t buy it). Try and make everything yourself – time willing. I cannot stress enough how important diet is.  An amazing book to read to is Wheat Belly by MD Davis William. Another great book is the Ancient Raw Food Diet by Roger Bezanis. A blog post further on will cover this area in detail

Antibiotics – kill gut bacteria, can damage the gut lining. Avoid unnecessary taking of antibiotics. Antibiotic resistance is a more pressing issue then global warming yet it doesn’t get half the air time!

Pain killers – work by blocking an enzyme cycl-oxgenase which protects the stomach from its own acid. I’m lucky enough that I don’t require painkillers. I think it’s important to just suffer from this. Let’s say your shoulders sore, and you take painkillers and you’re able to swing your arm about freely – bad idea! You could be making it worse. There is a reason we feel pain!

Antacids – change the pH of your gut, upsetting the balance of good bacteria. Acid is caused by too little acid in your stomach – not too much. To combat this the body ups the pH of the acid hence the burning sensation. Pay attention to what you’re eating and what triggers acid and ditch it. Make sure you’re chewing your food enough and don’t drink too much water before, during and after the meal as this dilutes the acid. A hot cup of ginger tea sipped in between mouthfuls is a good idea. The fermented cabbage mentioned above will help with the production of acid. Also Aloe Vera juice is very good for acid and soothing it.

Feeding/healing the gut

At the minute I’m trying out a few things. I’m taking L-glutamine supplements (a major amino acid) which have shown to repair leaky gut syndrome. This syndrome is where your intestinal lining basically has holes in it and the body begins to auto intoxicate itself via proteins and bacteria leaking into the bloodstream. This triggers an autoimmune response and causes inflammation = problems. The gut has holes (usually) due to candida – excess yeast which grows in the gut and effectively punctures your gut. I’m taking zell oxygen which combats candida.

I came across flax tea from my amazing yoga teacher Jacqui. Same story here – it helps heal the gut. Consume first thing in the morning on an empty stomach, eat 1-2 hours after drinking. Recipe – 4 tablespoons of flax seed (organic – flax seeds have been contaminated by GMO’s – pretty bad for gut health - therefore it’s important to buy these organic and from a reliable source). 2000ml of filtered water. Soak overnight.  Simmer on a low heat for 20 minutes. Drink up. Warning it is… gelatinous to say the least. Good health is hard work and it isn’t a birth right.

Psyllium husk – the microbes in the gut go wild for soluble fibre – something western diet often lacks. It really scrubs you out. Warning – drink plenty of water afterwards(it can cause internal blockages) and please buy organic. It’s treated with a lot of harsh pesticides and fertilisers – not gut friendly. A tablespoon with 8 fluid ounces is recommended – a tablespoon of bentonite clay and activated charcoal can be added too. Find a good reliable source as the clay can be contaminated with heavy metals. The clay carries a negative charge and attracts toxins which are positively charged, effectively pulling them out of your body.

Marshmallow root, Liquorice root and Slippery Elm.  These are powerful and useful herbs for digestion. When cooked they release soluble fiber – feeds and soothes the gut. Recipe - 2 tablespoons of each (must be chopped and not powdered) soaked overnight in 2000 ml of water. Simmer on a low heat till you’ve got 500ml left. Take 30ml (2 tablespoons) on an empty stomach.

Serrapeptase (love this company – all natural, no bulkers or additives, amazing customer service too) not exactly for gut health but a good general heal all (in my opinion). Follow the link to read about its effects. Basically it’s an enzyme found in silkworms that’s used to digest their cocoon. In humans it flushes inflammation from the body, inflammation causes skin breakouts. Also invest in a good probiotic – here’s the one I’m using and it’s great!

So there you have it. Hopefully I’ve given you some ideas to implement that will help you out. Please note I’m in no way an expert and you are responsible for your own health.